The Things I Miss, The Thing I Don't
by Clarra-Night
Summary: Thor lost almost everything in the days and hours before Ragnarok. (Contains spoilers for Thor III: Ragnarok) (Bruce Banner is also a minor character in this)
1. Chapter 1

**So I just managed to finish this post-Ragnarok story that I now hate because of how much editing it needed but that I'm also obligated to love, because, well, I'm posting it.**

 **I was undecided at first if it would have been better to post it as a multi-chapter or as a monstrously long one-shot that all the other one-shots bully for being just too damn big. So here's evidence that I'd be an okay parent.**

 **Just quickly: Thank you, again, to the people who've been reading, reviewing, Favouriting or Following my other stories, and to a friend here whose reply to my review for her story I've still yet to reply to! All these correspondences mean a great deal to me, no matter how little or lengthy.**

 **(By the way, for a good multi-chapter with a young Loki and Thor, check out the incredibly written story What The Woods Did Bring, by GoodForBad)**

* * *

It was unnerving to let life pass whilst on a ship in black space. Despite seeing the heavens outside the windows passing by – looming, marbled planets and shattered galaxies like botched experiments of bigger gods – everything was too still. In space, it felt like life was not passing by at all.

But if Thor stopped to dwell upon it, he knew this was just an illusion. Like one of Loki's, lulling them all into a false sense of security while something lurked and worked backstage – life was still passing them as hastily as ever. They were all still decaying, drifting like the ship towards an end. Thor tried not to dwell upon it too regularly.

But often he could not help it. In the new, awful stillness and coldly gleaming walls, it was impossible to not notice the absence of a crisp breeze once in a while. Of clouds rolling overhead, or a new but familiar sunrise every time he woke. Of the time when Asgard had also been a place _,_ not a flock of adrift people that Thor was, secretly, deeply terrified of leading to another doom. Just a slower, stealthier doom than the one they had recently escaped.

He also longed for the time he would fall asleep to dreams other than watching his tangible home disintegrate at the hands of Surtur. Dreams of Ragnarok. He would wake to more of that artificial stillness, his assigned bedchamber and its strange walls, still seeing flames so savage they seemed to gain life as Asgard died.

He knew it was childish, but he would feel a pang whenever he thought of their belongings – Odin's armour, Loki's books, Frigga's gardens, his old bedchamber, old playthings – being utterly abolished by the fires. Traces of their family's old life, solid but very, very fragile. He knew it was childish. But those were the stuff of his childhood.

Even in his dreams, Thor felt the absence of his right eye but he still saw the devastation of Ragnarok too clearly.

* * *

"I _would_ suggest you take a holiday to remedy these bouts of distraction of yours... if we weren't already about as far away from home as we can get."

The voice, rather than the words, cracked open the glassy bubble that encased Thor. Although, if he had read the words as mute ink on paper he would have had little trouble guessing who spoke them.

Thor had been facing the cabinet tabletop. He sighed before turning around.

"That's the spirit." Loki rolled his eyes to the ceiling. Thor speculated briefly if his own halved ability to duplicate the action would convey more or less disdain.

"What were you saying, Brother?" Thor raised his eyebrows lightly as he asked; he could still do that, at least. But even that simple twitch sent a faint tugging sensation into the socket of where his eye used to be.

Loki stood in the shadow-filled doorway of Thor's bedchamber, like a shadow himself. The chamber was almost as dusky, lit by only a few flickering red lamps reflected in the ornate mirror. The lamps had been much brighter hours before; Thor supposed it was in weak mimicry of the passing of day and night. At the very least, it helped everyone sleep routinely. If anyone was able to really sleep, yet.

Loki hovered at the threshold as if invisibly barred from entering. Fleetingly, Thor remembered how the two of them once could have flowed in, out and between each other's old bedrooms in Asgard as easily as two different bloods in the same body. Or as easily as two brothers in the same household. Loki used to claim to hate Thor's constant unauthorised breach of his bedroom, declaring that at least a polite knock or snarky comment before entering would suffice. Snarky comments had grown to become Loki's preferred entry announcements.

Loki began again, "I was saying that – "

Thor realised, even through the simulated nighttime darkness, he was noticing every blink of Loki's eyes. Quick flashes of pale eyelids. Perhaps he had been noticing so with everyone else too, but Thor had been subject to Loki's company much more than anyone else's lately, except for maybe Brunnhilde and Banner. And Heimdall never seemed to blink.

He could still feel it, in his mind – the sensation of his eye being torn out. The sudden, meaty rip of the connecting nerve. It had been brief but lingering, like experiencing a burn or any battle injury – Hela's jagged blade had been disturbingly fast – but there was something so especially wrong with the feeling of a crucial physical part being completely separated from the rest of him. Thor had wondered if Odin's loss of his eye had felt the same. If it had scared him as much as it had secretly scared Thor.

" – And maybe once we've finished that, perhaps you could host an orgy in this very bedroom to cheer everyone up. Grandmaster-style, seeing as I incidentally discovered that his accompanying music is also stored in _this_ ship's electronic memory. Heimdall and Banner were particularly irritated at me when that happened, which was unfair seeing as I was the one right beside the loudspeakers taking the acoustic brunt of the heinous lyrics – "

"Wait, what?" Thor snapped his head up.

"Oh good, you're listening. Of course you shouldn't host an orgy. But the Grandmaster's songs are actually available on this ship," Loki pursed his lips, appearing to repress a noxious memory. "Just don't touch any of the dials on that purple panel patterned with little gold stars. Let's have Heimdall keep watch to ensure no one comes within twelve yards of them."

Thor ignored the tangent. "Sorry, Brother. You were speaking of how we might assign jobs to our people here to give a sense of continuity?"

As Loki's voice traipsed on again, Thor let himself mindlessly stack the block-like crystalline bottles of liquor, like bricks, making tiny clinks as he did. They had been delivered to his new chamber by one of the palace servants he recognised from home, alongside the message they were of the few luxuries found in the ship storerooms, and that it was most proper for the king to have them.

Loki seemed to materialise from thin air beside him, abruptly crossing whatever barrier that had obstructed him from the room.

"I know you've had a lot on your mind lately, Thor." Their reflections stood in the mirror almost shoulder to shoulder. It reminded Thor of when they, as almost-teenagers, used to quarrel over who was taller until Frigga or Odin came over to settle the debate. "But what in particular were you thinking about the past twenty something minutes while I've been reporting to you as per your instructions?" Loki began disassembling the little tower of bottles absently as he spoke, undoing Thor's work out of pure habit.

"Just then?" Thor could notice the rims of his eye patch digging faintly against his cheekbone and brow bone whenever he held still enough. "Only my eye."

"Ah."

 _Clink, plink_

Thor looked at him. "That's all?" Centuries later, he still could not decide who was truly taller; Loki's head was bowing over the crystal decanters, or tilting as he peered at Thor.

"Essentially. After my initial exclamation _you're missing an eye_ , I've said all I have to say about it."

Thor thought back, frowning. "Which was…?"

Loki shrugged. "It looks good on you."

Thor began re-stacking the decanters but looked up to smile softly at him. "Thank you."

Loki placed the last glassy shape atop the pile before saying, "Sorry, but are you blinking or winking at me right now? I know you and Jane 'mutually dumped' each other, but I still hope it's not the latter."

Thor steered him firmly back over the threshold out of his room, shutting the door on Loki's innocent expression.

Nonetheless, he had honestly expected many more eye-related jokes from Loki than had been doled out thus far. Perhaps something about Nick Fury. But his brother had been delivering more jabs about his brutally shorn hair than his eye.

(His brother still met his gaze as if spearing Gungnir into his mind, past his eye sockets)

Maybe even Loki felt the subject too raw to poke too much fun of just yet. Other Asgardians seemed determined to compliment Thor by likening his appearance to Odin's. An older woman with a gentle smile, while passing him grainy bread one dinnertime, had said at least Odin's image now lived on through him.

Thor did not want to look like the Allfather, though. He just wanted his father back.

(Maybe that was why Loki usually avoided the subject of his eye)

After a moment, Thor knocked over the little tower of bottles, sending them rocking and clinking across the table.


	2. Chapter 2

Strangely – though at the same time, Thor was not surprised – he felt the absence of Mjolnir as strongly as that of his right eye.

He had been without his hammer before. Mostly courtesy of his brother's childish jokes, though how Loki had worked around the fact that he could not lift it, Thor still had yet to discover. But he had never had the knowledge that Mjolnir was not returnable. It always returned whenever Thor wanted it to, a trait that he was wishing more and more each passing day would apply to other things. Other people.

( _My friends, have you forgotten all that we have done together?_ )

In Thor's heart, there were three distinct gashes that kept him awake most nights, struggling to breathe.

( _Hogun, who led you into the most glorious of battles?_ )

Each day, he would go to grasp the smooth handle and feel only the ship's perfectly temperature-controlled air in his palm. At mealtimes held at the ship's sleek, chromatic tables, he found himself twirling his fork in his grip in the same manner with which he would fidget with his old weapon. There was no more of the rounded, muted ringing sound it made – as recognisable to him as his own voice – whenever he set it down on its head or as it flew to him when summoned.

Many times Loki had quipped that Mjolnir was to Thor as a treasured stuffed bear was to many human children, but now Thor would not disagree. He missed the reassurance it brought, that he had a chance of breaking free whenever conflicts became too tight, whenever enemies got too close –

Though it had not worked against Hela…

( _Fandral, who brought you into the sweet embrace of the most exotic maidens in all of Yggdrasil?_ )

( _And Volstagg, to delicacies so succulent you thought you'd died and gone to Valhalla?_ )

And now people were gone too, and Thor could not summon any of them back.

( _There will never be a wiser king than you_

 _Nor a better father_ )

Loki could joke about the hammer all he liked, but if he had not destroyed Odin and Odin's defenses against Hela –

* * *

Across the unfamiliar dining chamber, he saw the toss of black hair, too long to be Loki's.

Later, he might catch a glint of red and silver armour, still worn daily although they all encountered nothing but stars.

That was usually as much as Thor saw of Sif these days.

* * *

 _The door was not completely shut, a splinter of light making a bid for freedom from one of thousands of the ship's bland bedchambers. Thor would have thought nothing of it as he passed in the evening if he had not heard the sob. He remembered the corridor he was passing belonged to the women's side of the sleeping quarters._

 _More light escaped into the blue-black hallway as he pushed open the cold door gently. He would have knocked, but for this particular woman he doubted they needed it._

 _"…_ _Sif?"_

 _The last time Thor had seen Sif cry had been at Frigga's funeral. Even then, the tears had been reverent and quiet, as controlled as every motion Sif practiced with her swords. Thor could not remember the last time he had witnessed her_ cry.

 _He just waited silently beside her. A weeping Sif looked wrong, like seeing a Healer smile sadistically, or hearing a banshee laugh. He knew these were her tears and sobs saved for privacy. He knew whom they were for._

 _When their eyes met – hers swollen and watery and red – Thor wished there had been time to gather their fallen friends' three bodies before Surtur had crushed everything to less than rubble._

 _Before the door shut completely, he heard her echo his own words in Norway after he had watched his father fade for good._

 _"_ _This is_ his _doing."_

 _(In Norway, Loki had almost looked afraid of him)_

 _As with her weeping, Thor did not need ask whom her words were about._

* * *

In the past, Thor had speculated many times upon the very real possibility of seeing Hogun, Volstagg or Fandral falling in battle. It was always part of their jobs, as protectors of Asgard and of Yggdrasil as a whole.

But he had never really thought that he would not be there in the same battle, to call out their names as they fell. To promise the dying figure that they would be honoured forever in Asgardian history. To say goodbye.

(This is your doing)

(In Norway, Thor had almost wanted Loki to be afraid of him)

* * *

After the past few years – after Loki let go at the Bifrost; after Thor thought him dead in Svartalfheim – it was strange not missing his brother, for once. That Thor's brother was one of the few things still with him.

There were times when he could nearly forget what hand Loki had played in getting them all into their current situation. He could nearly forget what a catalyst he was.

Thor was all too aware of the things he was now missing – his eye, his hammer, his home, his childhood friends, his father – but sometimes, when he was with Loki, his mind would not really connect those losses to the person standing before him, as though Loki had just been a comrade who had witnessed it all alongside him.

Sometimes, Loki would smile, and it would make Thor smile with him.

But then there were many other times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just want to sneak in more quick but heartfelt thanks to the readers, reviewers, Favouriters and Followers of this so far, including the guest reviewers. Fingers crossed the rest of this fic will live up to your thoughts on it so far! Thank you thank you thank you.**

* * *

Though he detested the whole vessel, Thor's favourite chamber of the spacecraft had to be this one.

It had probably been something like a private lounge room or observatory for the Grandmaster, situated at the nose of the vessel so the lunatic could entertain guests whilst their next destination hung like a bauble before the ship – the entire front-facing wall was of thick glass, looking like a stained glass window with the kaleidoscope of planets and constellations dancing ahead. Sumptuous lounges and side tables laced the walls, and a downy, patterned carpet softened the vast floor. There were even bookshelves, though they were lined with empty quartz wine bottles, each stoppered with what looked like a fat gemstone. The lamps dotting the walls were exuding a dreamy glow.

Thor's breath was close enough to almost fog a patch of the giant window. These outskirts of Yggdrasil – the gaps between branches – were as dazzling as every other time he had tried to understand its enormity whilst standing in the Bifrost's observatory, but now he gazed at merely a ninth of it. Or rather, an eighth, now that his home realm was gone. Through the window, he could see Midgard.

It was only an indistinct white nimbus from this distance, but he knew rainforests, oceans, cities and desserts – and people – thrummed at ground level.

(Maybe there was a chance of a new home realm)

Though the walls around him here were still the sleek, cool metal of the rest of the spacecraft, the needlessly overt luxury that insulated the room was the closest thing there to Asgard's palace. The room even reminded him – at least on good days – of when he and Loki would sneak into their parents' bedchamber to jump on their vast bed, pretending to be pirates aboard a stolen ship or superheroes learning to fly. Their old games struck him as faintly ironic.

"What are you thinking of now?" The carpet had muffled Loki's footfalls upon entering.

Thor let the realm ahead hold his gaze while he answered, "That this is the third ship you and I have stolen together in recent years."

"Third?" Loki's head tilted a fraction in Thor's peripheral vision.

He shrugged. "I do count the thievery of the Grandmaster's Commodore as both of ours. You pointed it out to me before I took it."

"Before you left me for ceaseless electrocution. Well done, by the way. Very clever."

"You clearly made it back to us soon afterwards."

"And you clearly knew that I would."

As if nudged, Thor turned to look at him. His brother was already facing him, the toes of his black shoes towards him and barely sinking into the thick rug.

(Loki in his battle helmet, Loki carrying his knives, Loki leaping off their new ship and running towards him as true Hel rained down upon them)

His brother met his gaze, like spearing Gungnir into his mind. "But you were still surprised."

Thor had to scoff at that. "Are you at all surprised that I've become wary of having faith in you?"

"Of course not." For an instant, Loki closed his eyes lightly, as if dreaming something. "So I'm surprised that you still did."

Thor resumed his examination of Midgard. It was still so far ahead. "Me too."

Loki asked what Thor did not yet have a clear answer to. "So why did you?"

… _You betray me round and round in circles…_

(Thor's own words ran round and round his brain)

He could no longer remember a time when he could trust Loki without hesitation. Without doubt.

Thor kept his eyes on Midgard as though he could hasten their flight by staring hard enough, like catching the eye of a servant bearing the wine he wanted from across the old banquet hall. He asked, "You know full well you could have lied about which ship would get us safely through the portal out of Sakaar. Why didn't you?"

Loki smiled dully. "Ah. Lies, sneaky electrocution – "

"You're never going to let that one go, are you?"

" – And now answering a question with another question. You're becoming more and more like me with each adventure." Loki was straight-faced by the end of the sentence.

Thor did not try smothering the faint surge of anger in response. Sif's face, her usual regality rinsed away by rare tears, lit up his memory. "I'll never _quite_ be like you." He swallowed.

How apt Loki must be at detecting others' pain – and how apt at using it – because without missing a beat he countered, "Sorry. That's probably a good thing. Asgard still needs her real king, after all."

 _Real._ The kernel of petty bitterness struck Thor like a solid pebble thrown at him. Something inside him rising, Thor said, "Are you still sore about me interrupting your play at being an irresponsible Allfather? I'm sorry, _Brother_ , but I was a little more concerned about the whereabouts of my _real_ father _._ "

If Loki was about to retort, or backpedal, Thor ploughed on anyway. "Before I answer _your_ question, why don't you explain to me, really, why you kept Father _stifled_ under your magic for _months_ so that he slowly wasted away – "

Loki had the gall to interject, his voice low. "I never meant to kill him, I promise you, never – "

But Thor's words began scraping the walls of his throat as their volume climbed. It almost felt good to raise his voice; their new polished surroundings had often felt like a library, calling for hush so even light footsteps in the corridor seemed noisy. " – While he still tried to protect us all from complete destruction _, and_ he still had enough love in him to call you his son – "

Odin, their Allfather,

(Their father)

Tired and defeated and strong, his timeworn voice telling them both he loved them, calling them both sons,

(Thor's father – )

" – Did you ever spare a thought for him while he was caged, or did you assume that _old folk's home_ would be enough to keep him happy?"

( _This is your_ _doing_ )

Thor swallowed against the lump in his throat. A part of him registered that Loki was still trying to defend himself:

" – Not both, not either of them – "

There was lightning surging in him – he must hold on to it, it would obliterate half the wretched ship if he let it go – but when he slammed his fist against the thick window, letting the words rattle out of him even before the glass stopped reverberating, he realised it was just rage.

" _What did you think would happen to him eventually?_ " He found himself roaring abruptly. "That he would eternally sit and wait like a good dog while you rejoiced in your own tragedies – "

Loki had finally gotten the sense to shut up and let Thor go on.

" – Wearing a mask like – _wait, what do you mean 'both'?_ " And Thor froze, waiting for the explanation.

Suddenly, he would not have been able to describe what he was feeling as anger, exactly. He was suspended, hovering somewhere between pain and finally handing over complete control to his temper, and what Loki said next would be what pushed him one way or the other.

"Mother…"

Loki faltered. Inwardly, Thor swore if his brother dawdled in telling the truth one more time he would shake him by the neck until all that poisonous selfishness was gone, so maybe there would be enough room in that surprisingly senseless brain for Thor to beat in some understanding. "When the Kursed broke free from its prison cell – "

The sentence catapulted Thor back into Asgard's old prison.

 _He was incapacitating the freed rioters with his old methodical skill and Mjolnir in hand, almost mechanically. A gap in the flailing limbs and weapons let him catch Loki's eye through his brother's cell wall –_

" – It stopped before me. It decided against freeing me too, but – "

Another hesitation. Thor's jaw tightened. But it was not as though Loki was reluctant to divulge his warped thoughts. It looked more like it was agony to unburden his heart.

But now suddenly both their father _and_ their mother's faces were swimming behind Thor's eyes – he could not feel anything other than satisfaction about whatever remorse Loki was experiencing now.

"But." Jaw still tense, Thor prompted, more like a shove than a nudge.

"I told it to take the stairs that would lead it to the defense control chambers. I aided it."

 _Thor was racing, racing as fast as he could to reach Frigga and Jane before this unknown opponent, this Kursed, so frantic that he literally half flew with Mjolnir along the castle corridors, the foreboding building in him even more strongly than his lightning –_

"So it shut down the palace defenses sooner and it had more time to find her and Malekith." Thor continued for him.

Frigga's crumpled figure upon the ground. The image hushed his voice as if he were there witnessing his father hold her up brokenly all over again, though what he felt inside was nothing close to quiet. Before him, Loki's expression was masking something beyond agony.

 _–_ _Even before he reached the right chamber, the foreboding had grotesquely morphed into the sense that something was already horribly wrong –_

Thor continued further, "And it found her, it found her before I got there, before I could… "

 _–_ _As he saw Malekith and the Kursed escaped, his roar that followed them shook the air like thunder, but as completely useless to save her as he himself had been…_

"Yes."

Loki's glazed green eyes looked like he was seeing something horrific that Thor was not privy to. But Loki could not possibly be seeing their mother die, because Thor was the one to watch it while Loki had not been there at all.

Were there any tragedies that Loki had not played a part in?

It was no Mjolnir, but Thor found some consolation in the table that he seized and launched straight into his brother's face.


	4. Chapter 4

From the doorway, Loki observed the piece of the Grandmaster's gilded furniture hurtle through his illusory self's head. It crashed into one of the shelves of glass bottles against the wall. The clang and the sound of shattering glass lingered for longer in the confines of the chamber.

Before the illusion faded, Loki resigned himself to the fact that Thor would think the look of pain on its face was fabricated too.


	5. Chapter 5

Thor was either shaking his head or shaking so badly all over with anger. Loki no longer standing before him, he twisted towards the door to see – as he probably should have expected – the familiar figure watching him. He was getting almost used to the feeling that a rug was being pulled from beneath his feet; despite still slipping, he was barely surprised. Only furious.

The sound of a small stampede from the walkway outside. Thor managed to recognise a few of the startled faces that appeared at the entrance, before Loki stepped just inside the chamber and waved a hand – the door sealed behind him, blocking off the group of former palace guards.

"Everything's fine." Loki called through the steel door. Maybe it muffled the lie at least partially.

Thor snorted. "Yes, _Brother_ , you'll now want to cover up our little family feud before the rest of Asgard instead of setting it on a stage. An even greater portion of it is your fault than we all once thought."

He felt his fingers automatically go to curl around Mjolnir's handle. They had to make do with forming a fist. "No matter what, you'll always be the same. You never change."

( _Are you ever_ not _going to fall for that?_ )

"I guess some things never do," Loki replied.

He and Loki used to try the human game, chess. Every time he thought he had one of Loki's pieces cornered, his brother would somehow get it to slip away. The exasperation now was thousands of times worse.

 _You'll always be the God of Mischief_

"Unfortunately," Thor said.

 _But you could be so much more_

* * *

 _Brunnhilde – on occasion – reminded him of Sif. Thor could hear the Valkyrie's voice from a common room ahead as he followed the corridor towards the main pilot chamber. Her voice had that undertone of fire, as familiar as though he had heard it his whole life because he had – whenever he had been brazen enough to squabble with Sif._

 _So Thor involuntarily slowed, listening closer, when Brunnhilde's tone chilled._

 _"_ _You know, that whole time on Sakaar I was thinking there must be a reason why he still stuck with you."_

 _The door was ajar, maybe it was not exactly a private conversation, and Thor could wait a minute longer –_

 _"_ _Maybe there's always been something deep down inside of you that only Thor sees, something_ more _, that makes him want to keep you. However foolishly."_

 _This would be when a response would come, but whomever she was speaking to seemed content to listen mutely._

 _Thor shifted quietly to catch a flash of silver (her new armour), black (now that could be anyone's garb), and then dark green._

 _(A wisp of Loki's cape)_

 _Thor was not really surprised. Who else would be on the receiving end of words like those? Although, Loki's reticence was unexpected._

 _He could now see the Valkyrie facing his brother, shoulders set and feet planted. They did not appear on the verge of a brawl, but Brunnhilde's lip curled and her eyes narrowed. The motions would intensify the contempt she radiated if she were not already apparently a supernova of the feeling._

 _"_ _But now I see it's just Thor that has that goodness in him, and you freeload off it." Her voice lowered until her next sentences were only dark, angry slashes in Thor's ears. Still, Loki said nothing. Thor could not see his face; he wondered if it was unreadable or if his brother was so furious that he was speechless. Thor stayed just long enough to watch Loki finally say something – also too quiet for him to hear – that made Brunnhilde give a parting grimace, before Thor continued silently down the rest of the corridor._

* * *

"I'll always be sorry for what I did to them." Loki still lingered at the edge of the room like a piece of debris caught by the rim of a tornado, unable to escape and unable to reach the centre.

Thor let out a pained laugh. "Like with many things you've done so far, I'd really rather you never did it in the first place."

Loki was either too ashamed or too apprehensive to draw nearer. There were still at least five more pieces of furniture on hand, so Thor supposed the latter.

"Wouldn't we all, but I suppose we can't all have everything."

"Most of the passengers on this ship have barely anything," Thor retorted. "And the one thing I've lost time and time again that I for once didn't lose this time is you, but – "

Loki's voice hardened. "If you'll recall, I still came back to evacuate everyone here, yourself and your new friends included."

"You think that recompenses for the things you've done in the first place?"

"Remember that one time," Loki lashed out the accusation like a whip, "that you started a war with Jotunheim, apologised, and then saved it again? Why is _that_ documented as merely a learning curve?"

" _You killed our father_ ," Thor snarled back. "Which led to the Goddess of _Death_ breaking free and destroying countless lives – "

"If _you've_ ever committed a wrongdoing knowing the full extent of its consequences, well then, by all means – "

Thor roared, "Of course not, so _that's why good people try avoid committing so many wrongs when they can!"_

Loki swiveled around and glanced over his shoulders in a mock search. "Who really thought I was good? You?" He laughed. "Obviously that would be ideal, but like I said, we can't all have everything, Odinson – "

* * *

 _Thor was eavesdropping at the door. Loki could sense him. But what difference would it make to his brother now, if he overheard?_

 _"_ _Maybe there's always been something deep down inside of you that only Thor sees, something_ more _, that makes him want to keep you. However foolishly."_

 _The Valkyrie's expression reminded him – as if he would forget – of the same disdain that would float just below the shallows of the dark pools of Sif's eyes. It emerged whenever his selfishness clashed with Thor's selflessness._

 _He held his tongue. Brunnhilde was being the most vocal and honest about her opinion of him since they had met. No harm now in checking how accurate his perceptions of that opinion really were. So far: bullseye. As she lowered her voice to deliver, he presumed, supposedly her most cutting line for him yet, it became all so reminiscent of not only Sif but nearly everyone he and Thor had ever grown up with._

 _"_ _I can just imagine him taking bullets for you while you applaud the shooters. Thor suffering for you. Thor, getting tortured for your sake."_

(You think you know pain?)

(The Other drifted at the edge of his vision like a years-old stain)

 _She fixed her eyes on his before her mouth opened again._

 _"_ _Do I smell Thor's liquor on your breath?" Loki cut in haughtily._

 _Her mouth clamped shut into a scowl. Loki heard the tiniest scuffing of Thor moving away before Brunnhilde reached the door. The harsh whisper and ice-like touch of the Other still lingered in Loki's head like a rancid odour even after years of cramming in new memories and even worse experiences._

 _(Thor, getting tortured for your sake)_

 _Loki forced himself to unclench his teeth. He could feel handle of the knife always hidden in his thick sleeves. It was comforting._

(He'll make you long for something

as sweet

as pain)

 _Loki turned on his heel to exit through a different door._

* * *

Thor hoped Loki was really tangibly present this time, because the elegantly carved footstool by his leg looked too akin to another good projectile.

"Oh will you stop that already?" Loki snapped as he backhanded it off its trajectory, from him into the door. One of its corners dented as it struck. Thor almost laughed again. They were both probably starting to sound insane, if anyone were around to hear.

The realm ahead still shimmered beguilingly through the window, as if a sun was parting black curtains to watch their approach.

Midgard was where his and Asgard's future was heading, at least for now, regardless if Loki would be a part of it. Thor was at a loss on what he would have to do with his brother when they arrived. Loki might be happy to be a saviour of Asgard, but he would have no place on Earth. Earning forgiveness was obviously not a strength of his.

(He would have no place with Thor)

"I was right about us before, when I said on Sakaar our paths diverged a long time ago." Thor turned away from him. He studied the distant planet ahead as though he could already see his friends waiting. He tried to picture how S.H.I.E.L.D. would react to their arrival.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" Loki's expression made it apparent that he would possibly prefer otherwise.

"Only because it's not exactly as if you can disembark now. Though I'm sure Banner and Brunnhilde and a few others would gladly help with that."

"When Korg and the other revolutionists stole this vessel," Loki said shortly, "they had no plans of where to go after escaping Sakaar."

( _You clearly made it back to us soon afterwards_ )

A fragment of muteness managed to slip its way in, before Thor eventually asked his unanswered question from days ago: "Why did you help _us_ escape? Why not point me towards a weaker ship that would have failed us when we flew through the portal out?"

Sour, bitter, sharp. Encounters with his brother always offered the worst array of flavours. Now, it was sour and sharp, like unripe fruit. Loki answered, "What good would that have done anyone? Hela would have succeeded, and Yggdrasil would be a wilting shrub right now."

Thor nodded emphatically in mock understanding. "And thus there would exist no more civilisations for you to rule. I'm glad you thought that one through."

"If you really think so little of me, then you could have, should have, truly left me behind on Sakaar. Our paths have _diverged_ , after all."

Thor asked forcefully, "Well, since when have you had the best interests of others at heart?"

Loki tut-tutted. "This epic journey of yours of personal growth and new friendships, and yet you still have not improved your listening skills. Remember that marvelous play you witnessed in Asgard before you made me shed my disguise?"

"I just assumed it was a fictitious version of your true motivations when you 'died'." Thor said.

Loki smiled without humour. Without anything. "Well then, if, as you say, I'll never change for the better…" (Thor had learned centuries ago, but regularly forgot during their disputes: when his brother looked so detached, he was feeling anything but) "…Is it any wonder?"

(In Svartalfheim, Loki gasped for breath on the ground – )

Thor opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came.

(In Svartalfheim, Thor had not seen him look both so scared and so sad in a long, long time).

Since uncovering Loki's disguise, Thor had always assumed it had meant Loki must have planned and faked that death all along. It would have left Loki with eternity – or as much of eternity as their lifespans could manage – to be admired by Asgard behind Odin's appearance.

(But his brother's illusions dissolved at the touch –

– And Thor had cradled him in his arms as their father had held their mother, feeling the warm blood trickling out of him, feeling how fragile and cold it was leaving his brother – )

Loki must have been quite desperate for a life of adoration to bear such an injury from the Kursed. If that was what he had done it for.

( _I didn't do it for him_ )

Loki broke the brief lull tersely, his back to Thor as he began pacing the length of the chamber, his footsteps burying the shards of bottle glass in the fleecy carpet. "You've been throwing an awful lot of things at me lately. Is this a withdrawal symptom of losing what returns to you after you've violently discarded it?"

Thor brushed off the passing memories – he could reconcile with them later; there was little point in giving Loki's arguments any more handholds – and heard himself say, "It's fortunate for you I no longer have Mjolnir, because you would never catch it."

"I don't doubt that. I'd _finally_ be dead." It was hard to tell whose benefit Loki meant that would be for. "And then yes, our futures would forever, _finally_ diverge, because while I end up elsewhere, you will eventually reunite with Frigga and Odin." Their first names, spoken like their parents were merely two formal acquaintances.

"Because I'll never change, will I? Although I could be so much more." He smiled, again like he had run out of willpower to make it appear genuine, or even scornful. "But even if I ever did, don't hold your expectations too high – I'll never be _quite_ like you."

The _whoosh_ of the door reopening was quiet, like a polite servant. Before Loki left, he said, "Take a nice family photo when you see them again."


	6. Chapter 6

The days, if they could be called that, dragged by.

Thor spent time with Banner. He joked with Brunnhilde. Reminisced with many old friends of Odin and Frigga. Heimdall mentioned during one breakfast that it was strange not being the only one of Asgard who could view the stars with such closeness.

Each day, Thor would visit the lounge room with the largest window, and check if Midgard looked any closer than it had the day before. One day, the broken furniture and bottle shards were cleared away. Although logic told him that, of course, they were physically getting closer to Earth, each day he would leave the chamber uncertain and dissatisfied.

 _A watched pot never boils._ Jane Foster had once explained to him the meaning of the Midgardian expression.

Although logic told him that, of course, the only thing that stood between them and finally arriving was simply time and distance – pure, simple physics – Thor felt something else was preventing him from getting there. There was something unfinished that he had to _finish_ before they could finally move on.

"You're late today."

Thor spun around slowly, his gaze rotating from the black velvet and bouquets of stars to the hard, straight edges of the doorway, and the smaller figure standing in it. Thor's new companion remained just inside the chamber's threshold, and no closer, though he guessed that Banner, unlike Loki, did so out of tact rather than fear of flying objects.

"I didn't know I had particular shifts," he answered amiably.

Bruce took the invitation, ambling forward to Thor's side by the window. Thor appreciated how reassuringly mild Banner's presence could be; it did not provoke the impulse in Thor to internally brace himself, as if he might have to face him at a moment's notice to dive into an argument, or standoff. "Then you're later than usual today."

"I'll try be on time tomorrow."

"Be sure to do that."

Thor smiled. "So how do our Healers' knowledge compare to your own on…" he paused, frowning as he thought for the correct term, "…science?"

"In the most bizarre ways. Just like with all your other Asgardian academics I've met so far." Banner shook his head. "It's like talking to aliens that have been observing the same phenomena as I have this whole time. Which is pretty much what we are to each other. We'd be using different language, and then we realise a few words later that we're actually talking about the same thing.

"Except the concepts that took us humans years to scratch the surface of, your Healers think of them as the basics. Your laypeople don't know how lucky they've been receiving this level of medical care. Humans on Earth don't know what they're missing." Thor listened to Banner's train of thought rolling to a halt for a minute. Meanwhile, a spray of comets slit open fine silvery lines against the black in the distance. "Maybe someday after our arrival they'll experience it for themselves."

Bruce had kept Thor updated on his enthusiastic discussions with the surviving Asgardian scholars, whom, Bruce was discovering, had common knowledge with him in surprisingly many fields.

"It's one of the only things keeping me from going stir crazy while we're travelling," his friend had explained wryly.

"Now the only thing that's happened so far on this ship that might have poked the other guy was when Loki accidentally set off the Grandmaster's… music."

Thor half-laughed. "He told me. Sorry about that. Avoid the dials on the purple panel with gold stars, I think."

"Don't apologise for him, Thor. He's not your responsibility." Bruce shrugged. Thor, doubtingly, let himself act as though his friend's half of the conversation was as lighthearted as it had been a few seconds ago. "We could ask Heimdall to watch the pilot room to make sure no one touches those," Bruce added.

"That's what Loki suggested too, actually." Although, after hearing Banner, Thor was going to give the proposal some actual consideration.

"Your king of these people. For their own safety, make it happen."

Thor smiled.

Then, unexpectedly, Banner sighed. He looked like he was bracing himself to announce that a dear mutual friend of theirs had contracted a rare ailment. "Look, Thor, I'm going to just acknowledge the elephant in the room here…"

He must have noted the confusion briefly scrunching Thor's forehead. "An 'elephant in the room' means there's something that everyone's trying to avoid talking about despite that it's extremely obvious."

"It mustn't be a very big elephant then because I don't know what you speak of." Thor shrugged, though he had the budding impression that Banner had had an agenda for their conversation when he had walked in.

Banner's expression seemed a blend of resignation, concern, and genuine askance. "What're you going to do about Loki when we get to Earth?"

A beat passed before it was Thor's turn to let out a heavy breath. He shifted his weight, anticipating a long conversation. "So you mean _that_ elephant."

"The guy's a psychopathic maniac. _Was,_ at least _._ " Banner amended although Thor did not react to the description. He was probably remembering Thor's indignation at the Avengers' guesses at Loki's sanity the first time they had assembled. "And he's most definitely still remembered as one by people on Earth. They'd want him punished, and then imprisoned if not executed. We could hide him, of course, keep his presence a secret for the sake of not needlessly agitating everyone, but… you'll only have my help if we can be sure that that agitation would really be… needless." Bruce's eyes were placid on the surface. At those words, Thor could not tell if it was the Hulk or something else that lurked beneath.

He listened to his friend list several options. He was mostly grateful that evidently others were still thinking holistically. Altruistically. That it would not always be Thor's responsibility alone, as a king.

(As _his_ brother)

But Thor had the niggling sense that it would be up to him alone to ensure that those were truly their – Loki's – _only_ options. It would not exactly be as if Brunnhilde, Sif, Heimdall, or the other Avengers would let Loki have a say in his own fate now.

For the first time since they had managed to overthrow Hela, he wondered how much – and what - his brother had secretly planned for himself for when they reached Earth. If he planned on staying with Thor at all. Thor's head suddenly filled with the image of Loki – clad in the same black suit as their last Midgard visit – alone in a neat, bland apartment chamber, drawing the curtains shut over the buzz of nighttime traffic outside the window. His brother then locking the door with an ordinary human key, before slowly disappearing as he methodically clicked off lamps and ceiling lights one by one. The thought made Thor recoil for some reason.

" – And that's only hiding him from the general public. We wouldn't be able to keep him a secret from the others – " The others. The other Avengers, said with the implication that they were their closest friends. Thor missed that " – for long, and we shouldn't try to.

"There's also the issue that not all of them, if any, will accept him sticking around at all. Unless we're keeping him in a cripplingly reinforced jail." Banner was quiet for a second. "I guess we're all used to seeing mass destruction and death by now, but your brother still purposely hurt a lot of people, including a few members of the team a bit too personally." What other memories exactly that were flitting through Banner's head were unknown to Thor, but the image of Clint's glowing eyes and Coulson's bloodied body almost materialised in the space between them.

Thor replied, letting his voice rebury the memories. "I expect no warm reception for him when we get to Midgard, and I doubt Loki does either. None of us exactly planned for the direction we're taking now."

Banner nodded fairly, but said, "Moot point, though – they'll resist keeping him around unscathed, no matter what you can vouch about his trustworthiness. And then if we _can't_ actually trust him to…" He was either searching for the right words or just being tactful.

"Stay good?" Thor supplied dryly.

"Well, yes."

"You sound like you've already brainstormed some routes we could take." Thor waited to hear them.

Bruce pursed his lips, before beginning, "We could eject him from Midgard with the help of that new acquaintance of yours you told us about, something Strange – "

"Doctor Stephen Strange."

"Or we permanently imprison him, somehow," he continued. "Maybe with this Doctor's help." A third alternative was forthcoming; Thor felt he could predict what it was.

"Or just have him killed?" He supplied again.

That peculiar emotion in Bruce's expression seemed to come closer to baring itself. "Well… yes…"

"I suppose that would be the easiest, safest outcome," Thor remarked, with as much dispassion as he could.

(Why it still took much effort to sound dispassionate, he could not understand)

But there was already defensiveness in how Banner was shaking his head. "I'm not saying we should necessarily do what's easiest. Just what's safest, for everyone's sake."

"I know, my friend." Thor broke his gaze away to study Midgard through the glass again, watching the motley of clouds and constellations in their slow, swirling shift.

"So you'd prefer to banish or imprison him?"

"Neither of those seem to work on him for long, if you recall."

"So you _are_ at least slightly opposed to all of those choices?" Banner folded his arms across his chest, but not antagonistically. "What I think I know but think that you aren't really willing to acknowledge is: why."

He then shrugged, though Thor sensed he did not lack conviction as he continued: "If we're letting him walk free when we get home, keeping him discrete or not, we still need some kind of safeguard. And, what, we permanently tack that electro-tracker to him and threaten him with it if he ever tries anything horrible? That still has its risks, and I doubt you want to spend the rest of your life as his babysitter."

"I'll…"

Then Thor sighed again, because he did not know what in Yggdrasil he would do exactly. "I'll take other precautions, when we arrive."

"Like what?" Bruce seemed to be deliberately keeping his tone affable, open. Still, Thor huffed in frustration.

"I don't know yet."

"People on Earth who've committed half the crimes he has have been executed or imprisoned for life." Despite the harsh words, Banner's face softened to that expression again, as though about to tell him a dear friend was dying, or moving away for good. "Look, I'm not actually advocating the death penalty for him or trying to influence what you decide in the end. But all I'm saying is that, if you don't – can't – genuinely believe he's capable of changing for the best, then… maybe it's time to really let him go." Banner tilted his head side to side thoughtfully. "You know, somehow. One of those options, or any other secure alternative you can think of."

( _Are you at all surprised that I've become wary of having faith in you?_ )

Bruce's voice was prodding him after a slow moment. "Thor?"

( _I'm surprised that you still did_ )

"He can change." Thor wished he could buy more time to decide.

Banner nodded slowly. "Okay." The lull that followed was like an invisible weight. Thor wondered how much of it was made up of doubt, and whose.

"So." Banner appeared to scrutinise him. Curiosity was only one of the things in his stare. "What do you want from him?"

Thor frowned back. "What do you mean?"

"Why would you not just agree to detain or exile him? Let's be honest, the two of you have definitely crossed those lines by now. So what do you expect from him if you keep him around when we land?"

Honestly, Thor could not really fathom it himself.

"…I don't know yet."

Honestly, it was probably the same unfathomable logic of whatever greater forces that toyed with Yggdrasil – if there were any – that kept rejoining his and Loki's lives whenever they divided for too long.

The silence in the chamber thickened for another minute. Eventually, Banner turned to leave, patting Thor's shoulder as he did.

"I hate to sound insensitive, Thor." The door slid open smoothly as Bruce neared it. "But you have until our arrival to find out."


	7. Chapter 7

_Thor grinned with more exuberance – or maybe it was just relief, from surviving Hela, Ragnarok, everything – than he had had in days. He was not foolish enough to mistake it for happiness, so he let it widen his smile even more, while it lasted._

 _"_ _I might even give you a hug if you were actually here."_

 _The edges of the bottle stopper were hard in his grip before he threw it at his brother. He wondered if it was surprise he felt at seeing it stop in Loki's palm._

* * *

 _The gadget looked like a fat, glossy beetle between Thor's fingertips._

 _It would be a wise and simple thing to do, to replant the electrocution badge onto Loki while they hugged. Just in case. No matter how far they had come together, Thor had to finally learn: his brother could never really be trusted._

 _But he allowed himself a short while to just stand there, arms curled around Loki's narrow shoulders. He would count to five, and then do it._

 _(Knowing how far Loki had gone, why did Thor still have to falter?)_

 _A part of him had expected the hesitation to provide the chance for Loki to step away. At least then Thor would not have to plant it._

 _(He wondered if it was merely surprise he felt when Loki just held on to him for longer)_

 _He let the device fall from his fingers, soundlessly onto the carpet._

 _(Sentiment…)_


	8. Chapter 8

Loki strolled into the decadent lounge room seamlessly this time, no dawdling at the threshold. Thor wondered if his brother would dissipate into more wisps of light, if Thor were to throw something, or strike him, or embrace him. He wondered which action they would prefer, and which outcome.

Their eyes barely met before Loki announced carelessly, "Dinner's ready" and made to exit.

"We'll have to find out who cleaned up in here after us, and thank them," Thor remarked to his retreating back. "No one on this ship is a servant anymore."

Loki continued walking, but Thor could almost sense his brother raising an eyebrow mockingly. "Um, I believe all of the broken furniture and glass was your doing."

"I broke everything, but I didn't start it."

Thor watched Loki pause and mutter, "Why is it that you can get away with that as an excuse while I never could?"

"I'll give you a tip, Brother," Thor said. "Don't break _valuable_ things."

The look on Loki's face as he glanced over his shoulder prompted an unexpected twinge of regret in Thor. It was not an angry look. "If only our whole family followed such constructive advice," Loki murmured, so quietly that Thor wondered if his brother was speaking to him.

* * *

 _That it was a peaceful evening was nearly surprising, considering how their mother still privately reeled from her youngest son's recent imprisonment. Thor also knew that he himself would soon have to rejoin other Asgardian warriors to arrest more raiders in other realms. But Thor would not oppose a little surprise such as this._

 _He hated that he had to disrupt that fleeting peacefulness with his next question. It felt like riding a wild horse over someone's new garden. But Frigga would want to talk about it. He wished she did not._

 _"_ _How fared Loki when you visited him today?" Thor asked her._

 _Frigga's hair almost glowed in the fading sunlight as she stared over the balcony railing at their city. He doubted he would ever meet anyone else who could gaze so sharply as if peering into the future._

 _"_ _Your brother acts… angrily." He wondered if her constant reference to Loki as_ your brother _whenever she spoke with Thor was deliberate. Or perhaps she so badly wanted to sew together the frayed scraps of her family that it was just without thinking. "But I fear…" Her hushed murmur dropped off the edge of the balcony and onto the breeze below, like petals and snowflakes._

 _"_ _You fear what?" Thor tried to match her voice's tenderness. If he succeeded, it was for Frigga, not Loki._

 _"_ _He hides much brokenness in him that won't be repaired without your father… and you."_

 _Thor wished harder still that she would just rather not talk about it._

* * *

"I'm sure they can start dinner without us," Thor sounded loud after Loki's quietness. "Stay a minute."

"So you can throw more things at me?"

Thor frowned. "Would they actually hit you?"

He realised his brother had opened his mouth to reply just as the embroidered violet cushion bounced off Loki's temple.

A blink of Thor's eye was the only motion in the room for a second. "…Sorry."

Loki rolled his own eyes, sauntering closer.

"Good advice," Loki congratulated him, a blatant return to their previous subject. "Now, to twist that into an excuse for _my_ crimes…"

Despite himself, Thor felt a faint smile raise the corners of his mouth. "Yes, I doubt Midgard's justice system would take kindly to that as a defense."

"I don't intend to encounter any justice system of theirs at all, Brother."

Thor's discussion earlier with Banner floated in his mind. He wondered if Loki was thinking of ordinary human punishment or of S.H.I.E.L.D. "That's… probably wise."

"I do have my moments of wisdom."

"Not in the past few years, I'd imagine."

"They come and go," Loki asserted. "Perhaps I should just leave you to keep making soppy eyes at the world you love, then." He paused as if just realising something, "Or… soppy 'eye', I suppose."

Thor made a grab for the nearest chair, but Loki kicked it out of his reach, laughing unexpectedly. And he made no move to leave. Thor felt the earlier smile creasing his cheeks, the lower rim of his eye patch edging into his skin as it did.

He saw Loki's own smile fade. When his brother spoke again, his voice was suddenly solemn. "I was lying earlier – "

"Surprise?" Thor murmured.

" – When I agreed with you that I'll never change. We're both changing, whether or not you say so."

Loki's eyes were reflecting the galaxies just outside their reach. They could have been searching for something outside the window, or outside Yggdrasil, or peering towards the future.

"Because isn't there surprise at both ends, each time one of us still leaves faith in the other?"

Thor did not think it was really a question.

His brother's voice was softer still, as though he were still thinking it through, or just marveling at it: "And surprise when it isn't totally unmet?"

How nice it would be if his brother really could see into the future.

(If his brother were foretelling it right now)

One of their oldest gestures: Thor's hand resting somewhere between Loki's neck and shoulder, like a moment away from drawing him into a hug.

"You don't think that some things never change?" But Thor hoped it did not sound like he disputed Loki's words, because Liesmith or not, suddenly nothing seemed truer.

"Of course _some_ things don't." Loki answered ruefully. "I always come back, don't I?"

* * *

 _"_ _I might even give you a hug if you were actually here."_

 _(How surprised Thor might have been that Loki actually was)_

 _His brother's arms felt heavy and warm and secure around his back as he rested his head atop Thor's shoulder. Loki reflected for a second it might have felt different to hug him without Thor's long hair hanging around his shoulders as usual, except they had not hugged for such a long time for him to compare memories anyway._

 _In the mirror behind them, Loki watched Thor's reflection fingering the vile little brooch he had used earlier to electrocute him. Loki wondered if the embrace was only a guise for reattaching the device, in order to ensure Loki would not betray them later._

 _But Thor's arms were heavy and warm and secure around him, and Loki could rest his head beside his._

 _So Loki just closed his eyes._

 _Out of Thor's view, after they broke apart, he wondered if it was surprise he felt at finding himself free of the wretched contraption._


	9. Chapter 9

For Thor, it had been a rare kind of evening aboard the ship. Thoughts of their current state – the horrible stillness in the ship, and the worry that some kind of doom was creeping up on them faster under the cover of such stillness – did not smoulder in the forefront of his brain.

The lamplight had slowly tempered to rosy gold as if it really were some kind of witching hour. Sometime around what would have been midnight, Thor wondered absently when his brother had realised too that they had completely forgotten about dinner. It was hard to tell; they had simply, seamlessly, talked.

Thor switched the crossing of his legs comfortably on one of the armchairs. Loki was lying on his back on the other side of the chamber, legs propped up against the wall, tossing a ruby-like bottle stopper between his palms.

"Father would _regret_ that I look more like him in this respect, though," Thor was saying.

"Obviously we would all rather you still had both working eyes, Thor." The crimson chunk danced back and forth. "But, you mean especially because of the brutal manner in which it was removed?" His nonchalant tone, surprisingly, helped staunch the vivid memory of the injury; Thor did not even wince. Loki added dryly, "Although perhaps he'd find something poetic in the echo of his own."

There was a crumb of silence before, careful to sound just as casual, Thor responded, "I've been wondering how Father felt about his own loss of an eye, actually. You and I grew up knowing him always with that eye patch, and he never spoke of any trauma he felt after his battle in Jotunheim."

But, slowly, Loki swung his legs down from the wall, coiling and righting himself to sit cross-legged facing Thor. Thor was dissected by the gaze across the room for an instant.

"Perhaps Father found peace in the idea," Loki answered almost gently, "that it would resemble how much he sacrificed to save people he loved."

Slowly, Thor nodded. "I'm sure Father would thank you for such sentiment."

Loki shrugged before twisting himself once more to resume his former position. "And I still think the fact that you now resemble a young Odin would endear to at least some part of him." There was still less irony in his tone than Thor would have predicted.

"Yes, then someday in Valhalla we could put our heads together to keep a full watch over the Nine Realms," he snorted.

"And I'll keep watch from below."

Loki's drollness had returned in full, but not enough to completely smother the sudden hitch Thor may have imagined in his voice.

( _You will eventually reunite with Frigga and Odin_ )

Thor watched his brother continue twirling the ruby stopper. Still on his back, Loki was moving on to eye-related jokes about Thor and Nick Fury, grinning at the ceiling as if he were forgetting that he would be truly lost one day.

( _…While I end up elsewhere_ )

One day, if whatever happened to the two of them after death was truly as Loki believed.

( _Because I'll never change, will I?_ )

And Thor wanted to believe otherwise. If only Loki could walk free with him when they landed. If there was more time for Loki to change. More time for him to _live_ changed.

Maybe that way,

( _Take a nice family photo when you see them again_ )

(Thor doubted he would ever comprehend how much Loki really felt over their parents' deaths)

That way, of all the things Thor was now missing, when they both would finally leave the World Tree, at least he would not have to count his brother among his losses again.

( _I always come back, don't I?_ )


	10. Chapter 10

**Last chapter. This should ring a bell, to those who stayed for the very last post-credits scene.**

 **Thank you for making it this far :) Hopefully that means I'm doing something right, hey?**

* * *

Their favourite chamber in the whole, detestable spacecraft.

"Do you think it's a good idea to go back to Earth?"

Loki's disquiet lifted the edge of Thor's mouth. "Yes, of course, the people of Earth love me. I'm very popular."

His brother nodded. "Let me rephrase that. Do you really think it's a good idea to bring _me_ back to Earth?"

Loki would have nothing to worry about anyway, in terms of physical attacks. Midgardian military forces were as effective against them as throwing sand at The Destroyer, when it had existed. And Thor would reason with the Avengers. Somehow.

"Probably not, to be honest" he said anyway. "But I wouldn't worry, Brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine."

And then they saw it.

That it seemed to appear out of nowhere was ludicrous, because it was simply the biggest ship that Thor had ever laid eyes on. But the space ahead of their comparatively miniscule spacecraft had been a hopeful, uninterrupted view – Midgard and its little moon waiting for them, perched in the silky blackness – before a new vessel was abruptly rising between them and their destination in the next instant. It was like a monstrous guard dog, though Thor sincerely doubted Midgard had anything to do with its presence. It looked nothing like what Stark or S.H.I.E.L.D. would approve of, at least. So breathtakingly massive and grisly-looking the spectacle was, it had taken Thor a few seconds to realise what he was gaping at _was_ just another ship.

Except that calling it just another ship also seemed absurd – it practically blacked out the realm and constellations before them, completely filling the view from the window he and Loki stood behind. And as it undulated as though riding invisible, airless currents, it seemed alive. The window glass suddenly seemed too thin a barrier between it and them, and Thor was hit with the feeling that it – or someone aboard it – was already watching them.

After what felt like an eon, Thor found his voice hiding somewhere in his suddenly hoarse throat: "Loki…"

He had no idea what to follow that with.

"Brother."

Loki's voice was strangely quiet. Thor tore his eyes away from the window to face him.

When they exchanged disturbed glances, something horribly knowing in Loki's eyes told Thor that he might very well soon be losing his brother again after all.

* * *

 **As always, I hope you liked it. This story took so long and required so many edits that, damn, I hope I like it too.**

 **If leaving reviews is your kind of thing, by all means please grace me with one. I'd love to know how the dialogue worked out, or just what you thought of anything, really.**

 **Goodbye until next time :)**


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